Poetry and illustration by Jasper Julia Lim

content warning: violence

these firsts last forever so far

little asian girl
                        small feet
                                                                                                do you speak english?
                        go home
                        what is Korea?
                                                                                                                                                North or
                        what are you?
                        where do you come from?
                                                                        no where are you from?
                                                                                                            where are you actually from?
WHAT are you?
                                                                                                do you understand?
                        so tight
            so frail
                        small eyes
                        no eyes
                                                                        can you see?
                                                                        how do you see?
                                                                                                she’s good at math
                                                                                                you’re too smart
                                                                                                why do you have to be so smart?
                                                                                                stop raising your hand
                                                why are you so big?
                                                                        for an asian girl
asian artist
                        because you’re exotic
                                                                                                you’re not a Kim?
                                                                                                I thought Lim was Chinese
                                                                                                do you speak Chinese?
                                                                                                you look Japanese
                                                                                                you look Chinese
                                                                                                you look Filipino
                                                                                                you look Vietnamese
                                                                                                you don’t look Korean
                                                                                                you look Korean
                                                                                                I bet you are Chinese
                                                                                                I bet you are Filipino
                                                                                                I bet you are Vietnamese
                                                                                                I bet you are Japanese
                                                                                                I bet you are Korean
                                                                                                I bet you have little nipples
                                                                                                did I guess right?
                                                                                                was I close?
                                                                        you look half
                                                                        are you half asian?
                                                                        or are you full?
                                                why are you so hairy?
do you have hair down there?
                        were you adopted?
                        you don’t belong here
                                                                                                learn English
                                                                                                it’s probably because you’re asian
                        you look like a doll
                        you’re like an anime character
                        you look young
                        you could be 12
                        you look about 13
                        you look about 14
                        you look about 15
                        you look about 16
                        you look about 17
                        you look about 18
                        do you have ID?
                        you don’t have any wrinkles
                                                                        you have such a flat face
                                                                        where’s your nose bone?
                                                                        pig nose
                                                                                                tell your mom to shut up
                                                                                                shut up slut
                                                                        I can’t understand what the hell your mom is saying
                        you’re not from here


                                                                                                                        I was born and raised in Canada. My parents were born and raised in South Korea and emigrated from there to here 29 years ago.

All that at one point accumulated to
a melodramatic metal song
that I’ll sometimes squeal along to:

I will shove my size 6 small but super wide feet through your thirsty thumping throat
and kick you in the chest
squeeze your well done twisted heart between my bulky toes
your fast beating heart because you are excited and scared and excited and scared
this little piggy hates what made you think this way
this little piggy desires to teach you
this little piggy wants to believe you will be better
this little piggy thinks there might be hope
this little piggy craves understanding
the whole family decides to go deeper then

not a lot of blood will spew into my eyes
thanks to these thick eyelashes pointing down sewn to protect my sight
these solid trustworthy slits

going to check if you have guts
because I am curious


and so I will choke you with my thick black hair
stronger than teeth floss I swear
whip whip whip you with it
because it really hurts
I have been told
and I know
I have worn my hair in a pony tail before
and turned around really fast
because some gross lost creature was touching my ass
god I love kickboxing
so I clocked him in the eye
and everyone in the club cheered
as he was steered the heck out
of that stupid place anyway
I was fourteen and young
but learned life all the quicker
clouded with unnecessary cultural strife

hey - so tight, right?
let me close your hole for you
for good, forever

and let me hold your hand
because you seem so innocent
you haven’t seen much, have you?

then I will withdraw my dripping leg
and you will suck my curly toes,
cuz' remember yellow fever?

allow me to grab your frightened, fat, frozen penis in my soft pure hands
with my little fingers
and crush it
like my good little tight vagina apparently would

I am tired of your shit
but I am not tired

I am rage driving through these lanes
going to hit you head on one day

Jasper Lim is a 23 year old trained theatre actor, writer, and director. She strives to create works that people can connect to and be comforted by. Currently she is fundraising for her debut independent semi-autobiographical feature film “No Sitting On The Grass” with which she hopes to reach out to any person who has ever had the experience of feeling displaced from where their origins lie. Follow her on Instagram @nosittingonthegrass.